Things im thinking about...but dont care to elaborate on...

*the word nigga and using it..good or bad....when or where....why....

*different ways women interpret feminism.....and how some go about "reclaiming" their identities...

*being a woman...growing into a woman...how, when....if ever...

*people's past...my own past...how much should u put out there....dwelling on it...good or bad...

*goal setting and career moves...

*the word intellectual....

*professionalism....when can u relax around higher ups....can u relax....

*relationships...the honeymoon period...cheating...love vs. lust...trust...

*family....unconditional love....support....

*books....need to do some more reading....need to read about profession more....

*first impressions.....how important....

*can someone redeem themselves....is it ever too late to start over...forgiveness...

*the word bitch...

*being a "superwoman"....when to say i no, or ask for help....

*learning from older women....how much can someone learn from someone elses experiences...

Conclusions...

so i picked up a book at the UNR library the other day and decided to crack it open last night...it was your basic storyline:

...various women characters unsatisfied with their lives and relationships, or lack of, share their stories, trials, tribulations, then somewhere along the way they all have revalations that allow them to pull their lives together....so after they go through the initial drama they all end up on the road to recovery and a few end up with "good men"...

basically its your everyday fairytale wrapped up into a 3 hour read...in other words......some simple FICTION....

but somewhere along the line i got to thinking (i think it was somewhere within one of the male bashing convos) what i realized is that i love hard....i closed the book at 12 sumthin this morning and that phrase popped in my head...i love hard....and then i was like well, ya know, im cool with loving hard and i dont want to change....

now im not naive, although i admit i have been before, i know that by putting my heart out there it can get stomped on, but ya know what, im cool with that, i can dig it....

i realized that i have always loved hard and even if it ended with me being angry, crying, throwin out their shyt - 'cept for a couple real good cd's - in the end i was smarter, stronger, i could still smile, i still loved myself, and i was capable of moving on and loving again....and that holding on to bitterness only holds me back...

now it took time and takes time to heal but tomorrow is not promised and every moment that ticks by is a moment i will never get back...so my plan is to keep myself open to all possibilites and to love hard everytime i get the opportunity and one day someone will come along and love me back just as hard and give of themselves as fully as i give myself...

i have concluded that hindsight is 20/20 - i havent been the best woman i can be in some instances and i have given myself to some toxic men, i have also been toxic and replled/repulsed some men...but ya know, those situations taught me a lot about who i am, who i want to grow to become and what i deserve...and i appreciate the love/lust tussles the i got myself into because they were just preparing me for my future....

okay, so my tangent just got a little crucial...but anyway all im sayin is although the book was a B-, in terms of plot, character development, and writing style, it did make me think and it did help me bring voice to the concusion that i am a firm believer in love and while i might not get the fairytale ending, if i keep loving hard the way i do.....i just might get damn close......