Meaningless Conversations

i received a text message this morning that said: "havent heard from you in a while"
and i replied: "well after u hung up in my ear last time i thought id chill and let you contact me"
which was followed by: "what? im about to call u"
ending with: "k"


i received a phone call that began with: "you know i still love you right?"
the convo consisted of (in no particular order): "im sorry" "i miss you" *sighs of frustration* "i dont believe you" "you hurt me" *sighs of disbelief* "ive changed"
and the the ending: dial tone, temporary truces, floods of memories and promises waiting to be broken

Gray

http://www.sevenslove.blogspot.com...u insired me to put up a poem.....

Gray by Alice Walker

I have a friendwho is turning gray,
not just her hair,and I do not know
why this is so.
Is it a lack of vitamin Epantothenic acid, or B-12?
Or is it from being frantic
and alone?
'How long does it take you to love someone?'I ask her.
'A hot second,' she replies.
'And how long do you love them?
''Oh, anywhere up to several months.
''And how long does it take youto get over loving them?
''Three weeks,' she said, 'tops.'
Did I mention I am also
turning gray?
It is because I *adore* this woman
who thinks of love in this way.

Vicatin:the best medicine in the world....

the day before Thanksgiving, i logged off my computer, said good-bye to co-workers and started on my five hour trip home. i left work early that day because there was supposed to be a snow storm coming in later that night. i left right before lunch thinking i would make it home in time to watch Oprah with my mom.
it was raining the whole drive and about and hour in a half from home the roads started to get icy and slick.
and then my car started sliding and spinning. my car hit the guardrail and then bounced off it if and started spinning again, the back of my car catching the guardrail one more time before my car came to rest in the median in the middle of the highway.
this thanksgiving i am thankful for life.
my car looks to be totaled and everything was beat up on my car except for the driver side door. i mananged to climb out of my car and call the police, insurance agancy, my mom and dad.
my parents drove through the snow storm to come and pick me up and then drove over 2hours back home.

i was able to have thanksgiving dinner with my family and even though i ended up going to the emergency room thanksgiving night - i acutually ended up having a great time in the ER with my mom....we were cracking up at the folks who came through, like the guy they put on morphine and then he started telling all his little business, to the cute guy who wheeled the patients around, i actually think my mama was trying to get on.
i had a great time at home, even though i was doped up on vicatin for a little while. i realized i how much i missed my family and how good it feels to be at home with people who care about me and want the best for me.
this thanksgiving was really special to me, if my car had spun on more time it would have been me hitting the guardrail.
this accident was like a wake up call, i am not going ot take the littlest things for granted, i am going to strive to be a better sister, daughter, friend...and im am going to tell people thank you and how i feel about them more often...

so happy belated thanksgiving to everyone...take care, be safe and thanks for reading...

Random Thoughts....

i have been a volunteer for this mentoring program for the past few months...the program is for girls ages 11-14, most of the girls go to my church...they are typical girls, they think they know more than they do about life, a couple of them have that "im hard" facade and a few others are just really sweet and prissy...i think since we have only been meeting once a month they havent gotten used to the volunteers which is cool cause i know i dont know half of their names yet...but i was assigned my mentee this weekend, actually she picked me...im kinda of flattered cause this girl does not need a mentor, she seems to be so on point and is probably the most talkative girl in the group...she is a freshamn in high school, and is in cheerleading and really involved in school activities...i look at her and see me when i was her age...and i know that when i was in high school i was not the one to be around but i knew how to keep my evil side at the house...i bet my mama thought i was the biggest bitch ...and i was...but i just hope i dont corrupt this girl...cause i sure could teach her some of the wrong things and then have her mama coming after me...put i am also pretty sure i can teach her some good things too and maybe she can bypass some of the situations i put myself in while i was growing up...but im going to call her today and maybe we can get together after the holidays and chill....

mental spasm: why do people insist on driving up and down the aisles at the wal-mart? i mean its wal-mart, wal-mart is always packed so why are you in my way driving in circles? i hate trying to go down an aisle and i have to brake cause some car in front of me thinks a car is about to leave....ummm, they are still walking to their car, why are you stopped? i mean i love parking close but if i go up and down a couple aisles and dont see anything im bout to park...i could probably use the exercise and ive noticed that some of those folks driving could use it too....im not about to backtrack down the previous aisle, i could be in and out before i even find a close spot...

i took my lovely self on a date this weekend, i took myself to the movies to go see Ray...i even bought myself popcorn and a pop, which is better than most dates i go on with those random men i call myself going out with from time to time...when i lived in atlanta i would insist on going to the Backlot cause they served you dinner while you watched the movie, for some reason guys dont like to but popcorn....so i thought fine, they can buy me a whole damn dinner...i always got the shrimp basket....anyways....i took myself to the movies, this was the first time ive done that and it was cool, i really enjoyed myself, i didnt feel lonely or pitiful like i thought i might actually i felt pretty independent....in college i would have never gone anywhere by myself, but now i take myself out to eat and i just really chill with me and its cool...why should i wait on someone to take me out, shit, i have a car and some gas and a little money in my pocket, ill go by my damn self, its less complicated that way and i get to see the movie before it shows up at blockbuster...

Sit...Breath In...Push Out...

i was sitting at my computer trying to figure out what to write...i thought this blog thing would be easy...i would just sit down and begin typing...well, thats not the case, i was sitting frozen wondering what i should write...and after some thought i figured out that i should write about writing my first blog....
i discovered that starting your first blog entry is alot like trying to shit in your workplace bathroom...what the hell is this chick talking about; is that what you are asking yourself....well let me explain....
you dont want to stank it up, you dont wanna make too much noise, you dont want to hurt yourself, but you HAVE to get it out....
i am one of those people who have to get it out...if i didnt write i would be one angry constipated black woman....if i didnt write, #1, i wouldnt have a job (as a newspaper reporter writing is what i do for a living, its how i pay the bills) and #2, my brain would be stopped up to the point where not even Milk of Magnesia could relax the pressure....
so i write, and i write and i keep on writing because i cant stand the pressure...
and so i start this blog as another way for me to unload myself and keep the shit for invading my life and stanking up my soul....
and so while you are here i invite you to sit, breathe in and push out cause i guarentee thats what ill be doing....