love and all that good shyt

so i have been thinking about love again...i mean, i love, love...i love seeing it, i love just feeling the vibes...its around that time of year and a couple friends of mine have gotten married, another has gotten engaged and my coworker just informed us she is preggers....its all love right?...thats wonderful..i love being around couples and people who really love other people...maybe it gives me hope that the world aint so damn bad...maybe i just like the look of love...when two people come together and you see the love between them, you see the closesness, the intimacy they share...i think its a beautiful thing to just look at...to take a step back and just be like "damn that love thing looks so damn good"...

so i was having a convo with derek...a convo about love/soulmates/God/faith...very informative...whats funny is that me "ms. fairytale romantic" told him that i do not believe all a marriage needs to work is love...i think more is needed...i think living off of love is good concept just not realistic...he on the other hand thinks love can conquer all and if two people love each other than can handle anything...and as good as that sounds...i feel its a fairytale thats just too far fetched for me to fathom...i believe in the power of love but i also have known relationships to fold and its not because the love wasnt there but because of other issues...

derek does not totally believe in soulmates, he believes in planning and making a way for yourself with follow-through and action...and i believe in God guiding our every step...i believe God is preparing me and is also preparing me a mate...i have faith in that...i know someone is out there for me...the things i have gone through in my life, the people i have met, the relationships i have formed were all experiences that i needed to go through to make me into a woman who will one day be ready to marry the man that God has ordained for me...and i am under the impression that there is a man out there going through things for the same reason and that one day, when God feels the time is right we will meet...or recconnect...and love will be there...along with all the other things that have shaped us to be compatible...i mean i really do believe in having the complete, wholesome "fairytale" relationship, i just dont beleive it can survive off of love alone..i believe there needs to be compromise, humility and understanding, among other things...

so then i started thinking about a post i wrote last summer when i was in reno handling career business..it along the same lines as the above...it happens to also be a favorite post of mine...

Conclusions...

so i picked up a book at the UNR library the other day and decided to crack it open last night...it was your basic storyline:

...various women characters unsatisfied with their lives and relationships, or lack of, share their stories, trials, tribulations, then somewhere along the way they all have revalations that allow them to pull their lives together....so after they go through the initial drama they all end up on the road to recovery and a few end up with "good men"...

basically its your everyday fairytale wrapped up into a 3 hour read...in other words......some simple FICTION....

but somewhere along the line i got to thinking (i think it was somewhere within one of the male bashing convos) what i realized is that i love hard....i closed the book at 12 sumthin this morning and that phrase popped in my head...i love hard....and then i was like well, ya know, im cool with loving hard and i dont want to change....

now im not naive, although i admit i have been before, i know that by putting my heart out there it can get stomped on, but ya know what, im cool with that, i can dig it....

i realized that i have always loved hard and even if it ended with me being angry, crying, throwin out their shyt - 'cept for a couple real good cd's - in the end i was smarter, stronger, i could still smile, i still loved myself, and i was capable of moving on and loving again....and that holding on to bitterness only holds me back...

now it took time and takes time to heal but tomorrow is not promised and every moment that ticks by is a moment i will never get back...so my plan is to keep myself open to all possibilites and to love hard everytime i get the opportunity and one day someone will come along and love me back just as hard and give of themselves as fully as i give myself...

i have concluded that hindsight is 20/20 - i havent been the best woman i can be in some instances and i have given myself to some toxic men, i have also been toxic and replled/repulsed some men...but ya know, those situations taught me a lot about who i am, who i want to grow to become and what i deserve...and i appreciate the love/lust tussles the i got myself into because they were just preparing me for my future....

okay, so my tangent just got a little crucial...but anyway all im sayin is although the book was a B-, in terms of plot, character development, and writing style, it did make me think and it did help me bring voice to the concusion that i am a firm believer in love and while i might not get the fairytale ending, if i keep loving hard the way i do.....i just might get damn close......

career talk

i am wondering where i am going in my career...am i on a management track or am i just in this for the moment...
i am a copy editor, if i try and go up the latter climbing to slot then news editor to assistant managing editor to managing editor to publisher with various stops in between...well it sounds good in theory, right?

is that what i wanna do...will newspapers still be valuable resources with sales on a decline as a whole within the industry? people get their news from so many different outlets now...people want to get the info fast and want it to be straight to the point...
papers used to to have to reputation of giving the details and indepth converage you cant get anywhere else but this isnt so much the case anymore...you can put the whole story on the web and folks will get it much faster..newspaper is becoming the second day story outlet..not a breaking news outlet...my paper is in this big push to "write for online, update for the paper" which is a toally different thinking...but newspapers now have to compete with online, pod casts, blogs, tv, radio...

which brings me to new media...using all our resources...incorporating more online, blog, not just photos but audio and video, my newspaper is already doing blogs...and i am excited about new media, it is def my generation of things...but with all the sites out there that are not factual but more opinion...well, will they diminish what news is trying to do...will people trust this new way for newspapers to move to? will people be able to differentiate us from the not so quality journalism outlets? so many trust having the newspaper in their hands in order to really believe it but the groups is also dying off...but new media makes much more sense to go...i dunno...it can be a blessing or a curse..we shall soon find out...

as you can see i can talk about newspaper for a good minute...but thats part of learning my craft...this is where i am at in my life and in order to get ahead i gotta keep up with whats going on in the industry...im am blessed to be at a newspaper that is making money, and is at the head of the class in inovation...other papers want to recruit from my paper....being a black woman, being a black woman copy editor in this industry i can go far, there are not many of us, and papers are looking for us...and i have to take advantage of that...i also have to be up on everything..i have to know whats going on and know what im talking about because i am a black woman trying to get ahead...

we had a staff meeting this week talking about the push to do this...so it is runnin around in my head...i told my managing editor i wanted to be a part of this new media turn the paper is taking...he said send me some ideas...so i did..i gave him a couple things i think the paper can do...i hope he can get something from them...

i have this feeling that i need to emerse myself in journalism like i did last summer when i was in reno...in reno i was thrown into copy editing almost 24 hours a day...i was in class 8 hours a day then going back to my dorm room and having to study for 2 to 3 more hours...it was all journalism, all editing all the time..i woke up in the morning 2 hours before class to read the paper and take notes...but its was great...i was learning, i was loving it because it was one of my passions...i came back from my 6 weeks in reno energized...and i used my skills at my job, though not as much as i would have liked...and then 7 months later i get a job as a copy editor and move to cali..and its great...but i think i need to go back get out my book and papers and get back into my zone...i cant be the best unless i push myself to be the best..i cant slack off..i need to focus...i love my coworkers, i love hanging out but i love my job more...

i have been feeling insecure about my abilities to do some things...but i gotta keep going..i wanna work on my headline writing and focus on looking at the big picture within the stories...i can design my ass off, i can find the meat of a story and cut away the xtra to fit the space...but i need to look more, i need to pay attention to the little things that make the big things..and i know this..i ask others that have been at this longer than me about what should i work on..and then i do..but i feel like i gotta go back, retrace my steps and then bring all the knowledge i have in the back of my mind to the front....

and so you know what started this whole rant and rave? a friend of mine told me he thinks its sexy when he hears women handle their business...and i pictured me, glasses at the bridge of my nose, sitting on the floor, papers spread around me, some music and a glass of wine, studying...and i felt sexy...smart is so damn sexy right?


so, while i am clearly devoted to newspaper at this moment..where will i be in a few years? i dont wanna back myself in a corner, i still have dreams of being a book editor, but havent really pursued it....only time will tell i guess...but i sooo believe in keeping my options open...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

he aint the hottest thing to look at but...

this man WORKED ME OUT!!! billy blanks is no joke...im am so sore right now...i picked up a set ot two billy dvd's last year...and i always do the cardio one...and i get a good sweat going, i stop and then i go shower...yesterday i decided to try popping in the fat blaster dvd....i pushed the coffee table back against the couch and i got ready to work out....he waant playin when he named this dvd fat blaster...i thought i was gonna die...i almost stopped but i pushed myself to do 30 minutes...and it felt good...but i didnt stretch afterward so now my hamstrings are sore...guess that means i gotta just go work out some more...
this fitness challenge thing might work afterall...i also think im going to start utilizing the work out room in my complex...i picked up Fitness magazine and it had this great 30 min treadmill routine...mainly it involves getting your stamina up...intervals of hills and spurts of running....so i have it book marked..maybe ill post the workour later...
i also subscribed to shape magazine..i really like the mag, ive been buying it off the stands for almost a year so might as well get it sent to my house...its cheaper and more convenient...

oh...and i got some more pics...this time of cali, where i moved...my mom wanted to see where i worked so i took some pics of the grounds from the balcony i always go out to to talk on my phone...



this is the nice little pond that near the front of the building...



this is the view off one of the balconies looking onto another balcony with the palm trees in the middle...



this is another balcony...the building has A LOT of balconies...

there are more but i havent gotten them out of my phone yet...but i just love the trees, its peaceful, so i just come out here when i need a break from work and sit and relax...or if i get to work early ill pull out a book or keep yapping on the phone...