this christmas..was a great movie

is it me or are the holidays not what they used to be?

going christmas shopping and trying to pick out the perfect gift for each person in your life....hiding them when u get home then waiting until night time to wrap them up and stick them under the christmas tree...the tree you helped decorate with ornaments, some from second grade that you made for your mother...baking cookies and watching the christmas movie that TBS ran repeatedly the week before christmas...opening presnts on christmas day, meeting up for chrsitmas dinner with all the family that flew, drove or took trains to get to the house...bringing your tupperware to stock up on food for the next week cause your mother didnt cook (or was that just mine?)

i remember my brother sleeping on my bedroom floor every christmas eve until he was like 19...we would joke around and have some good talks...

i remember being in charge of making the cornbread and opening the cranberry sause for dinner...

one year we did karaoke...my bro and i won...we got money...

the house hold would split once everyone arrived to my aunts house...men/boys downstairs watching the game or playing video games...all the women upstairs putting the finishing touches on dinner, gossiping, offering advice...

i remember my mama buying the chcoclate Tims i wanted...she made me carry the bag home..wrap the boots...fill out a card saying they were from "santa" and then made me put them under the tree until christmas day...

and now...

all the cousins are spread out...aunts and undles have passed away...in the last four years i have been home for the holidays maybe twice...and never stayed more than 3 days...work calls and begs me back...

i was trying to figure out what to get folks for chrsitmas..and all i could come up with was getting everyone gift cards...

am i getting a tree? they are kind of expensive...

and im not TOO sad, i have the memories...i still have my family...and while i wont get to give and receive hugs from everyone...i will call my mamas cell phone and speak to everyone she is near...

my "family" out here..which consists of co-workers and my boyfriend will get together...someone will cook and we will eat, drink and play cards...we will hug and hang out...its not the same as years past...but it will still feel good because i am with people i love...and thinking about people i love

ill miss my aunt's sweet potato pie...and the dressing....mmmm damn...

no, the holidays are not what they used to be...and wont be for a long while...and even when i have my own husband and children (not beofre 30) it wont be what i used to have...but growing is good...i am seeing now that as long as i cherish the memories and keep love in my heart the holidays will always be special...