my cup runneth over

so i was watching some movie over the weekend...jlo and richard gere...shall we dance? i think thats what its called..but anyway...i began thinking sometime during the movie how one desicion can change your life...one choice you make...even something as simple as whether to turn left or right can alter your future...i also started thinking about how some people live their lives as not to shake up their routine...gere took the same train home everyday and lived his life, harboring pieces of him that begged for more out of life, so that he would not potentially hurt his wife's feelings...he loved his wife and did not want her to feel as if she didnt make him happy enough...he wanted her to feel comforted in the knowledge that she was all he needed..but in reality he was holding himself back from himself...of course in the end it all comes together and they end up more in love than before....

that movie (as corny as it was) reminded me to keep living life, happily...to not put pieces of myself on the backburner for anyone and to take risks because i might find something new or i might have a powerful experience that will help me grow...and to trust in God's plan for my life...

"pieces of me shattered, jagged...broken...i picked my soul off the floor...piece by piece...slowly...carefully...scared to cut myself...with myself...i already had enough self-inflicted scars...i saw a part of myself...in each piece...a reflection of who...what...and where...i have been...i wanted to cry...but had no tears...i attempted to smile...but the life...wouldnt ...couldnt...reach my eyes...i was tired...of giving myself away...to the highest bidder...i no longer had the heart to keep reaching out...and grasping nothing...my shoulders were sore...from carrying everyones baggage...worried...needing to find me again...i cradled me in my hands...and closed my eyes...praying God would hear my voice...i remembered me...and i was whole again"

i found this e-mail i had sent to myself i guess more than a year ago...i send myself a lot of emails, just little phrases that float through my mind...i finally decided to clean out my inbox and this is what i found...and im actually amazed, im trying to figure out what was going on in my life at the time but its so far removed from where i am now that i cant even dwell on it too much...it makes me sad... anyway...i went home a couple weeks ago to visit the fam..ill write on that later..still trying to sort a few things out in my mind...plus i wanna post a couple pics so ill do that too...take care