getting the gang back together...

plans r in motion...hopefully i will be hanging with the girls by friday night...
its been over 2 years since all of us were in the same spot at the same time...
im still not totally believing it yet but if the last pieces come together...

what if's...i hate "what if's"...although i fill myslef up with a new "what if" every day...but i need a break and i need to smile and i need to get away from my thoughts so hopefully this "what if" will work itself out...

and if me and the girls DO get together...its gonna be scary...and exciting and the men better watch out...HA...

i better shut up now...dont want to jinx it all

gotta go make some calls...or not

resentment...

i went to an awards banquet last night at the request of one of the VP's of the foundation that sponsored my journalism fellowship a couple years ago...she called me up a month ago and told me she was going to be in town for this banquet and asked me to be her guest, not like i could really say no since she is one of the people responsible for me being where i am right now...and she is a nice women we get along well...

it was a typical dinner...and i was pretty much questioned by various people at the university regarding who is was and why i was there..and then i reply and they say "oh wow thats great"...followed by more questions...me making some generic comments like "wonderful", or "oh really " or asking some mundane question that i really didnt want to know the answer to and giving the smile and nod...as a few friends of mine would say i was doing the "clipty-clop" the horse and pony show..
but the VP did introduce me to some exec. editors at a couple papers and some good contacts... so it wasnt all a waste..plus the food was actually good...

after the dinner there was a lecture given by a pulitzer winner...at first i thought it was going to be a lot of "i did this," "i did that," and "thats how i got here" type of lecture..and a lot of it was but she also made a few good points about journalism and writing and i kinda wished i hadnt left my notebook in the car...

i do remember one thing that stood out to me, the presenter said "resentment is drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die."

and that stuck with me because i know as much as i dont want to and try to tell myself that i dont, i hold a lot of stuff in, anger, sadness, pain, just junk...and i tell myself that thats why i write to get that stuff out...but that doesnt always work, sometimes writing it down doesnt do anything especially when that person never knew how u affected them...there are numerous people i have let slip away and never told them how i felt and i still have that stuff inside...and its really not good..but part of me knows that for some its too late to tell, i will never speak to them again...and yet i still resent certain pain they have caused in my life...and then there are some people in my life who i can still reach out to and let them know what i am thinking and feeling and i havent....and i need too..but its hard...i talk a good game...always have...always will...but i know im at a breaking point where i need to let go...and keep letting go...

hopefully i will get it all out before the next person leaves my life and i am let holding onto words i never got a chance to say...

it all turnt out ok...

i got my money back...all 475 dollars of it...
after filling out the paper work and faxing back to my credit union they deposited the money that someone had taken back into my account...
im still not sure how someone in hong kong got my debit account number or if the culprit is really in hong kong...
ill be getting a new debit card hopefully by tomorrow and the old debit account has been terminated...
now im really concerned about how i use my card because i use it all the time, and i pay all my bills online and since i dont know how my info got out there im considering using snail mail to send my bills in...
and i am also going to be careful how i use my new debit card when i get it...
im glad my bank gave me a call an were concerned about my account...and hey worked pretty fast to get my money back into my account...

one less stressor off my shoulders...

i got together with the ladies i went to the lotus festival with last night, we got together to watch the how lost and have a couple pina coladas...im not a big pina colada fan but those tasted pretty good...i told them if they ever want to get together and do it again my apartment is availble, i just need a little notice so i can get all my clothes off the floor...and give the place a quick clean up...

tomorrow will be another long day, at least the morning will..i have to be in to work at 7 a.m. because i have to finish putting together the front page of the paper and the front page of the sports section , those are the sections that take the longest to put together and need the most editing...its good experience though....

had an intersting convo over email with my girl pru regarding school loyalty and having expectations of self and others...i wont hash the whole thing and pru and i have agreed to disagree on a few things...we both have a way of looking at things and they are very different...i think we are friends because we balance each other out...it was a really good convo because we are also getting to know each other as more than just students...we are finding common ground and having conversations that arent just about reminiscing on old times, because we did have some fun experiences...but it kind of showed how our friendship is evolving...we are learning about each other as women who are both working and struggling to find our places in the world..i can see us leaning on each other and supporting each other...i like those kinda of convos with my girls...it doesnt make them seems as far away....

speaking of friends....

memo to 'drea: imma need you to call your folk....you have been MIA all week...

thats all for now....the week is almost over...i think i can make it...although i still have to be up early on saturday for a meeting...some weeks it feels like it will never end, and some others just fly bye...this week has def been dragging...

chapters...

chapter 1: no more early mornings
today i started my new shift at work. the news department decided at our editorial meeting last week to stagger shifts. i said i had no problem working the 11a.m. to 8 p.m. shift. it would give me a chance to do more page design and editing. so thats what i started this morning. it was great not having to wake up at 6 a.m. to be on the road by 7 and at my desk around 7:30. i woke up this morning 3 times, im actually not used to getting that much sleep at night during the week. i now realize i am going to have to stay up later, which is going to be hard considering i actually like being in the bed by 10 p.m. so now im going to try and stay up til 11, shoo maybe even midnight...although i doubt i can make it til then. i got up this morning and was able to exercise for almost 30 min, tae bo is killing me, i can never make it to 30 minutes but im getting closer, im in the mid 20's. i had time to sit down and check my email, eat some cereal and watch some tv. i hope these late nights arent going to wear me out, i am going to be missing the beginning of my 8 o'clock shows.

chapter 2: stolen identity
i am on a very tight budget for the next couple weeks. VERY tight. so i have been checking my bank statement online every other day to make sure all my debits and checks are coming in and nothing is going wrong. i dropped off my rent check this morning and then drove to work. i was at work for a while and decided to check it to make sure i knew the exact amount that would be in there after the deposited my rent. well i saw that my balance was about $100 less than what it should be so i clicked a few screens and discovered about 5 charges that were made in HONG KONG. now, ive never been to hong kong, dont know anyone in hong kong and havent ordred anything from hong kong. someone had gotten my card number and bought who knows what, i really wasnt sure of the places that were charged. then i remembered my mom calling me this weekend saying the credit union had called me at my parents house, i guess i never updated my phone number. so i figured that the fraudulent charges were what they were calling about and i gave a call back. turns out that that hong kong charges were the reason for the earlier phone call. so they are faxing me some forms to fill out and sending me a new card. so no more worries. i wonder how my card number was accessed but im not trying to dwell on it since the issue is being resolved.

chapter 3: death in the family
right after the debit card issue my mom called and told me my aunt in north carolina had passed. she is actually my dad's aunt. we all knew it was going to be soon for her she had alzheimers along with a list of other ailments. my parents had driven down to see her last month because they knew it would probably be the last time they got a chance to visit with her. im not shaken up by this, i guess because her death did not come as a sursprise. and also because i am a strong believer in God and i know that she is in a better place, pain free. i do hope that her daugther is going to hold up okay. they were always so sweet to me. i love my aunt and my family and i know we are going to be fine. i am worried about my dad, i havent spoken to him since my mom told me the news. i hope he is going to be okay, i love him and hate that he feels any pain. but he is a calm, patient, loving man and i know my mom is there comforting him. i think i might travel home soon just so i can be around them and my brother for a little while. i miss my family a lot.