can i get some?

ive never been a very sensitive person...i have compassion, sympathy..i care....i just dont show it very well...i dont think i cry enough...my "college sweetheart" yeah we broke up over the phone while i was at the hair salon...my stylist finished my hair, i got in the car and i cried for maybe 10 minutes...by the time i arrived back on campus, my eyes were dry and i was trying to figure out what i was wearing to whatever party later that night...and that man was my love...

my brother has always been more sensitive...he knows exactly what to say in just about every situation dealing with other peoples emotions...and i envy that...i love watching him with people he has such charm and charisma...i bet he could get along with just about anyone...but dont get it twisted...he has a temper...you just dont see it too often...its something how the sweetest people are the ones who you know to stand clear from when they blow up cause its gonna be ugly...i think we actually may share that trait...

yeah but me...i can be standoffish at first...possibly even cold...depending on the circumstance...i need to warm up to people..im not people person right off the bat...i got this professional cool thing going for me...which can be a hinderance, or misunderstood..

when i was 2 i wouldnt go give my aunt a hug...instead i latched on to my mama and stuck a thumb in my mouth...my aunt called me stuck up...stuck up at age 2....lol...naw, i was just my mama's baby...

im still not stuck up...i have my moments where i just dont wanna deal with some folks...though i may give some folks crazy ass looks cause they say some dumb shyt...

so back to this sensitivity thing...im blunt...i dont really sugar coat...i cant lie for shyt...lying does me no good cause my face shows everything...

my cali girls have made me more aware of this sensitivity thing...they show all kinds of emotions...u know when they r hurt, u know when they are angry...foreign shyt to me, i swear i must wear some kind of veil over my emotions...well know not really...let me rephrase..my girls are vocal..if they are mad, the yell, when they are hurting, they cry...i dont think they have ever heard me yell...and the only reason one of girls saw me crying is because we decided to watch the movie the notebook..and if u dont cry during the notebook then you must really be out of touch...cause that movie will get you alll caught up...

so im not vocal...but you will know when i have an issue...im a spoiled brat an stubborn...i admit this...so if something is wrong...i wont speak, i wont look at anyone, i will barely engage in convo...if i get mad in the car, hold on to your seat...but i found i process slower...emotions simmer in me...they dont boil over...i have to process shyt out before i can talk about it...if i ever do say a word...shyt, this is why i write...i get all my thoughts out...then i get over it...

not the best way to deal with stuff cause a lot of times folks dont know what the hell went down...i feel that my girls are more honest with their shyt cause they let it all out at once...i let shyt flow through me...ya girl dont use her words...never have...maybe one day i will...dunno...but i might not use my words all the time but i also dont let folks run me over...i hope folks know their place with me...i try and make that clear...sometimes it works...sometimes it fails...such is life...ya learn, you grow...you keep pushin...

ok so one of my girls tells me i need to be more sensitive...and i try to explain to her its not that i want to be insensitive...i just process shyt differently...if someone tells me some sensitive shyt...it takes me a minute to wrap my heard around it..then i wonder if they want advice, or just an ear...sometimes my intuition is right, sometimes wrong...now...sometimes i say my first thought on the matter...and a lot of times i dont because i know its going to be harsh...but my face says it all and well we end up in a bad situation...and alla sudden im insensitive...gots to be more careful with those faces...but shyt, who am i foolin, that aint gonna change...

i guess because i rationalize things before i throw any emotion into it...my face shows the the rational...but i guess since the emotion takes a minute, no one gets to see that part and it is left buried inside me...ergo....im not sensitive...

i call up my mama and ask her if i am a sensitive person....my mama laughs...then she goes "huh?" (stalling)

then she laughs again...and says no

but you know what else my mama said..."shauna dont change for anyone"...