feeling a little dark today...

im fnally settled into my new place...ive been moved in since last week but i finally managed to start feeling comfortable yesterday when i got my room the way i wanted it...i put my canopy up above my bed, threw on my fav comforter and finally got all the clothes off of my floor and my teddy bears situated...i dont know why i take those teddy bears everywhere...habit i guess...i still have suitcases of books all over my room...i have two of my bookcases filled but i plan on buying new ones so i decided not to unpack the rest...but i cant wait until i do, i dont like having my books out of order...my collection is too precious to me...

i found an old journal of mine the other day...well not found but i actually opened it and read it...some of the stuff i have posted on this blog..i cant believe Spelangel has been up for more than two years...but reading a lot of my old thoughts really got to me...i feel so much older than the person who wrote all those words....i even read a few parts of the entries to my girls...ive come a long way in a short time..im just now realizing that...it feels good but i know there is still so much more...

i was in my car on the way to work and almost broke down crying...ive been feeling overwhlemed, worn out and tired the past couple of weeks and i couldnt shake it off...it dawned on my today...my soul is tired...just tired...ive been a shoulder for my friends..and while i dont mind being their for my friends..because i love them...im carrying the burden of their dramas...exactly what i didnt want to do to..i mean i do in the since that i want to be there for them but i cant carry their issues and mine...i got to give that up now...i had to ask God to take some of this...to relieve me...because i was doing too much on my own...im just wore out, that inner peace that usually surrounds me has been shaken and i cant be everything for everybody...ive head tension headaches, bodyaches, if i can get EXTRA personal...my period lasted a day and a half...that aint right..i cant even bleed right...im stressed..and im not the one with the issues...so you see my heart is just heavy...and i know God is the answer...pray for me

and send up one for my huny...i have a feeling he will be going back to Iraq (for his 3rd tour)...he hasnt said anything and its just a feeling...but im nervous...i hope whatever im feeling is wrong...other than my crazy feeling we are good...i miss his quiet ass...even though i just saw him a few days ago...its like that sometimes though...

i think its ex-boyfriend week again..ive talked to two of them this week...one had a birthday a few days ago so i called him...a mistake...he started trippin a little...but i dont expect anything less...he is who he is...
the other called me...telling me about his woman issues...which is fine...my thing is he never asks me how i am doing...same problem we had in our relationship...no reciprocity...which is fine i dont really want to tell him about my man..but its just the principle of it...

ooh but anyway...keep ya girl in your thoughts...its almost midnight, i get off in a ew and im about to make a run to wal-mart...i MUST HAVE coffee and water in my apartment at all times and im running low on both...