the return of sable...

I took a trip to my other blog - the one kept somewhat secret and i havent posted anything on it in probably more than a year - but it was nice just looking back and seeing how far ive come....i believe i started the blog in 2005 when i was still in indiana and it looks like i stopped posting a little while after i met Ely...

it was crazy reading about some of my past relationships...with so much detail...im not sure if i ever put that much detail in this blog, but im wondeirng if i should start..it was so refreshing just seeing all the emotions and thoughts i went through to end up in the place i am now...i talk about how this one guy went and got this girl preggers while we were still dealing with each other...and then come wanting sympathy and a shoulder to cry on (ooh, and tried to get in my pants) when she went and had an abortion without telling him...sad situation, but i am not the one...

i talk about my wonderful relationship with this guy that just taught me so much about loving myself and how a man is supposed to treat a woman (if you are reading this, Thank you, you know who you are, im not going to put ya business in the street :))...and even though we had to part ways after a year and some change it was such a great experience and i value all the good times and the pain...

man i read about the ups and downs and pain i went through with my college ex...if he only knew half of the shyt i kept from him, i dont think we would be cool at all...and another ex who wanted to marry me, and how i wasnt ready for all that then, and the struggle with having to deal with that...

i fell in lust with this other wonderful man, who, til this day i have never met face to face...but the friendship we forged is 100% real and he also helped me grow...that was/is a magical relationship...im glad he is in my life, even if we dont talk regularly...

and its so funny reading about Ely and how i didnt think it was going to go anywhere at first, i knew he was feeing me but wasnt sure if i was ready to enter into a relationship...two and a half years later we are still going strong...

and, know it wasnt even all about men..i talked about job uncertainties, partying, my mother and how much i adore her..and even saw pieces of a story i started and never finished, i just may start adding to it...it was crazy just reading how much life really affects me...i gloss over a lot when i talk about my past...but i have two years of my life detailed in this blog...my guts, my thoughts, my contradictions are all over the place...i think i need to bring that back..not be so afraid to show that world...thats why i started that blog because i was scared to put myself out there on this blog plus i didnt want to hurt anyones feelings who knew about this blog, cause i tear some folks up...but i think im good now...i dont think i need a "secret" blog anymore...

i wish i had started blogging in college...man, that would have been something to look back on...i was CRAZY in college...so full of bullshyt and insecurities...hiding all of my fears with a slick tongue and sex appeal...not being real with myself ended up hurting me the most...i just want to go back and hug that little girl...tell her to stop frontin..

but i am so happy with life right now...i really dont think i have much to write about at the moment but i like to talk about myself too much to stop blogging...i should post the beginning of the story i stopped working on...i guess i really just admired the way a spilled my guts to the limited few who had access to that blog...and i really appreciate them having my back and not judging my experiences...and i appreciate the experiences for molding and shaping the woman i am growing into...