Catch 22...

OMG, i kinda feel like crying...i get like this sometimes though...i probably do need a good cry...im at work listening to msnbc...the case in Illinois about the two little girls who were found dead...well the dad of one of the girls confessed to killling both girls because one girl, his daughter, supposedly took some money from her mother....she was 8 i believe....he stabbed one girl 11 times and the other girl i think 6 times, correct me if im wrong...he stabbed one girl in the abdomen, chest and BOTH EYES among other place......why? just why?....
things like this just fuck with me.....i just get angry and i get sad cause shyt like this is just not fair...those little girls never deserved that....no one does....death/killing is something i will never understand....
my job at work is to get on our associated press wire service and pick state, nation, and world stories that will go in that day's paper...and i swear everyday i read about someone getting murdered or some other type of tragedy...and i will never ever get used to all the ways i see death written about....
there was a story i checked out about a woman in her 80's being mauled by 2 big dogs, the woman is now in a coma....in the beginning the story was 2 stray dogs had gotten in the house from a door left opened and they attacked the woman....i sat and watched for a couple days as more detail was added to the story....and today, the woman's daughter and husband were charged with letting their two dogs attack the woman....WHAT?...the old woman was on oxygen, already sick and then damn she gets attacked by two dogs and her daughter is responsible?....WTF? thing is, i know this story isnt over...and i know im going to have to read more details...and i dont want to...
i like my job, i usually enjoy coming to work..yes i want to move on to bigger things, when the time is right for me and the opportunity presents itself...i like having "editor" as part of my job title....but damn...i swear everyday its some car accident or some rape, some murder, some little kid kidnapped or left for dead...and that shyt is heart breaking....i try to leave the job at the job but does that ever really happen with anyone?....sometimes i just want to be ignorant of whats going on, but its too late now...my eyes have been opened....life can be taken just like that....
and i cant do a damn thing but read about it....i hate having to look at things from a news point of view, push my personal self to the back and think about what will sell, what will get folks to buy papers...and guess what, its all the stuff that has me sitting here typing this....the stuff that i wish i didnt have to read.....and the stuff that pays my bills....