da hell?

sooo.....

i was having a chat with "dude i used to deal with," why, i dont know....

i remember writing a few months ago that i have gotten over his deception..and have moved on...i dont feel hurt or betrayed anymore..he is basically what i just wrote, a dude i USED to deal with...i harbor no hard feeling or ill will toward the man (anymore), i have forgiven him..i am not his friend and he is not mine...but we r cool...as associates...

we catch up every now in again, mostly him making the effort and since i dont really feel the need...

so we were having a conversation while i was driving to the book store (my parents sent me a Barnes and Nobles gift card, gotta love that!)

he asked me how i was doing and i told him im great, i feel good, im happy.....and he said oh you must have a new man in your life.....im thinking da hell?...i shake my head and chuckle to myself...i say no actually i dont, my career seems to be moving along nicely and i feel satisfied with life...

two days pass..and i was driving to work and i replayed the convo..and i got mad...i notice i have some type of anger delay...when things are said or done to me i am chill, i dont pop off at the mouth, then after i analyze it the angers flows to the surface....a lot of times this is not a good thing because my anger is not recognized by the other person so they dont realize they have offended me or why i am standoffish until days later when i finally let it out.....but i think im usually so laid back and non-chalant things just dont click with me right away....

but i started thinking...does he REALLY, HONESTLY believe, especially after all the time he spent with me, that i need a man in my life to feel fulfilled?
did i ever give him that vibe?? i hope not..
what type of chicks does he deal with, i know his ex was a little nutty when they broke up

but forget her..this is me...he must have me confused with that other chick he was getting preggo while he still had the key to my place...

i mean i was just blown away..its like he has to equate happiness with having someone to rub up on....

i dont need that...do i like having a man aroaund...well yes...but do i need a man around...no....im so fixated on my life right now i am not worried about a man...

i am happy because i chooses to be happy, i choose to make moves, i choose to challenge myself and to surround myself with people who are in my corner...i am happy because i am lovin myself more and more everyday....

i was like okay this dude *insert poo-poo face here*...thats y i took his name out my phone and limit contact with him...he is toxic...

and what is sad is that there are women (and men) who really subscribe to the notion that their happiness is found in someone else...WOW...you know those people are not living a full life..there is so much more to life than that...

like the 5 books i bought with my gift card...
like the job interview that i have tomorrow...
like the new suit i bought over the weekend..
the flowers i plan on surprising myself with (lol)...
the bath i took last week that was soo relaxing...
the sunday dinner i shared with friends....
the candles i just bought....ON SALE!!


the walks i have yet to take...
the writing i have yet to do...
the places i have yet to visit.....
the foods i have yet to discover....
the smiles i have yet to produce...