a few years ago...

today before work i decided my mission was going to be to get my college papers off of my old computer and put them on this jump drive i just bought and transfer them to my laptop...i decided...after many convos with myself and some others not to stop writing...and i felt that maybe if i looked back at some old stuff of mine i would feel motivated to jump back in and get creative...not sure if it will work yet...but its worth a shot...i wrote something last night while i was at work...it really rough but at least it was something...
so after a few issues i finally got my papers...i ended up emailing them to myself too (that took a LONG minute)so i can have some back up copies...plus my laptop is fighting with my jump drive and cant find the driver i installed from the company web site..i need to upgrade my operating system so i wont have these problems again...actually a whole new laptop would be nice...if i can manage to save $1500 i will get the MAC ive been drooling over...but anyway..i decided to post some of my old poems...just cause i can....

Because…

I love you because…
You journeyed into my life and held my intellect hostage,
And filled my reality with an image of a beautiful black man.
I love you because…
You uncovered insecurities that laid locked in my core,
And inspired me to massage my fears.
I love you because…
You desired me,
And allowed me to desire you without injuring my feminity.
I love you because…
You held my hand
And you allowed me to hold your heart
I love you because…
You left me,
Left me to see
That my life could go on without you
And had been more fulfilled because of the time you spent in it.

(too bad this is not actually about anyone...it was a poetry assignment)

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A Conversation

They laid locked in my heart
And now they are spilling out for the world to grasp
My feelings, worries, and wonders
From a solemn place in my soul
Forced out of my lips
And now penetrating your ears
Connecting with your thoughts
Thoughts like my own
As we sit at this table of familiarity
Together

(i wrote this after a starbucks study session with my best friend andrea...i remember we had a great conversation that day)

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I HATE YOU, But…

You monopolize my time without apology
You force-feed me your truths
And lecture me about your broken promises
I HATE YOU!
But DAMN, you love me s-o-o-o good!
When you stare deep in my eyes
And our fingers intertwine
Then you hum on my pleasure palace
And penetrate my spine
I HATE YOU!
You consider my feelings emotional nonsense
And constantly insult my intellect
You neglect a reality that includes me
I HATE YOU!
But DAMN, you love me s-o-o-o good!
When you caress my thighs
And make my hips rise
And you turn me on my back
Then you take me from behind
I HATE YOU!
But DAMN….
You love me s-o-o-o good!

(this was about sean - the brooding, green eyed creole, musician, asshole i was infatuated with for quite a while...i wanted to stop dealing with him, but everytime i said i would stay away from him, he would put it on me and and i'd give in..it was a very weird time for me because i liked him, or better yet i liked who i saw he could be)

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1st Date

Don’t get it twisted
I don’t want to be your girl
Definitely not your woman
You think I gave you some (operative word, gave)
On the first date because I was into you
Hell naw, I was just curious if you could hang
And now I feel bad because you couldn’t
And I wasted my time
I’m the ho, nope, get it right,
You hoed yourself by thinking
I was trying to make you my man
You keep calling me,
Why?!
Have I called you back yet? No!
A second date?!
Well, at least you know how to pick a restaurant
Damn baby, why are you so upset
At least I let you bust
I didn’t even get that
Oh, all the moaning, I was stifling my laughter
So now you are walking around
Pleased that you got some ass
But when are you going to learn
That you shouldn’t hit it on the first date
It destroys your credibility
And gets you no respect!

(this was actually an assignment for my poetry class, it was kind of like a "lemme tell you about yourself" poem...i had been noticing the dynamics of male/female relaitonships and wanted to twist it a little bit)

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Spelman that Morning (9/11)

My isolation has gone undetected by everyone else
Only I notice that I am not crying or hugging someone who is
If this series of moments is supposed to effect me
I wish someone would tell me how
I think I should be crying or hugging someone who is
Maybe it is my sensitivity that makes me feel so insensitive
I feel defeated by my campaign to find someone who needs me
I look into the faces of my mourning sisters
I really want to be crying or hugging someone who is
But instead I go to my room and sleep

(the day of 9/11 classes were immediately cancelled around the AUC. i was walking back to my dorm room and just noticed all the crying and hugging. so many people affected by the terrorist attacks. and i felt isolated, i wasnt near my friends, i had no one to reach out to. i felt numb, like i need to be crying because everyone else was, but i didnt and i felt ashamed that i was not emotional too.)

okay thats enough...i actually ran across a few i wrote in high school too...i have grown since then, creatively and mentally, but its good to just look back sometimes...