Until 2005...

it is December 31,2004...

in his book "the fire next time" james baldwin wrote,..."the very time i thought i was lost, my dungeon shook and my chains fell off...."

this year my dungeon shook and my chains fell off...i became the person i always wanted to be, i finally found the person i had been searching for, and all i had to do was give up all the pretences and and shake off all the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's"....

2004 was a great year, i learned so much about who i am and who i can become...i also reflected a lot on who i used to be (but thats a whole 'nother entry)...

im ending this year in a new state away from most of my family, in a new job (hopefully the start of a career of writing), with new friends and a few new interests....

2004 was a new year for me, i left behind all that was familiar and took a chance on myself...
i completed a three month fellowship at vanderbilt where i met some amazing people who i hope to remain close....

i started my career as a professional journalist, and im learning and getting better everyday...i have a great and supportive editor and a very understanding and caring publisher....and my co-workers are such a blessing, they make me want to be a nicer person because they are so humble and giving...

i think my best friend and i got even closer even though we live hour s and states away from each other...she is such a good friend, always ready with advice and support and new fashion advice, she is my sister, my first and only sister, not just my Spelman sister but my family...i love you A.C.T....i'll see you in a few months...

i became a member of a message board and now i think im addicted to the place...i have met so many good people on that board..of course there are some i could do without but its like a big disfunctional family...im not gonna call yall out but yall know who you are, thanks for taking the time out to try and get to know me, hopefully we will meet up soon...maybe in NYC or D.C...

i think i have gotten closer to my mom and dad, my mom is my inspiration, and i hope one day that i can be just like her....mommy and daddy i love both of ya'll thank you for allowing me to be part of your lives...and also my older bro, (ladies, he is an attractive, educated black man, with good credit, holler at me and ill see what i can do, lol), but my bro is my heart and i love him...

i have let go of a lot of man baggage and although its not all gone, i have learned to forgive and move on...i learned that when i love, i love hard (and im not going to stop being that way) and i found out that heartache is a bitch but it wont kill you...thank you C.D.F. for coming into my life, its has a bumpy ride but thanks for riding...

i also went back to church in 2004, and i found a part of me i never knew i had, a part of myself that is pure and light and when i sit in church and hear the choir, i know that God is with me and has been with me even when i turned my back on Him and i know He will continue to be with me....

im sorry to see 2004 go because it was such a time of change and newness for me but i am also ready to live some more, to have more new experiences, and to love even harder than before....i see big things for myself and i am learning to trust in myself....i grew up a lot this year and i hope to continue to grow because being stagnate is not an option...

ive read some good books, sipped some good espresso, ate some good thai food and finished with some great cheesecake and a bottle of wine....and i hope to do even more of the same in 2005...

until next year.....