Decision Making....

i have been working at the newspaper for 9 months...according to my felllowship in three months my year long obligation to them is fulfilled, i can either stay on or decide to do something different.
i think i want to move on, not necessarily exactly when my time is up but over the next six months i think it will be time for me to venture out...
i have been wanting to go to grad school and for months i have had my heart set on getting into a publishing program..my top choices being Columbia, or Emerson in Boston...both have excellent programs..i also thought that maybe i could just get a certificate in publishing and in that case i am looking at a program in Colorado...
but lately ive started really askin myself where is my heart...and i think it is somewhere with literature...i think i am linked somehow to the Harlem Reanissance and the Black Arts Movement...so im thinking maybe i should go to school for African American Literature...so i havent done as much research on programs but i have been looking into Indiana University (in which case i wouldnt have to move because its right down the street) they have an African American Studies/Comparative Lit. program..I am also slightly looking at Clark Atlanta, which would put me right back in the middle of my old stomping grounds...but i dont know if i want to be back there again, i mean i graduated and left the atlanta university center for a reason and it was not to turn around and go back...
both of these programs would fulfill my need to read and write they would also put me on a totally different career track then i am now, which isnt a problem...ive also been considering my future money...i could make a whole lot more in the publishing industry and i cannot understand what i could do with a a lit degree besides become a professor, which isnt a problem but i was saving the professor thing for another future endeavor...
another thing is although i really enjoy NY im not sure i want to live there..although it would be a great experience plus my best friend would be close to me again...and if i go to atlanta my other best friend would be there...
i have to really get into myself and figure this stuff out especially since i have given myself a six month deadline...if i go to IU im sure i could work part time for the sister paper of the one i am working for now, which is good since it would actually be closer to where i live....
i just thought about something..my lease is up at the end of April...damn...that means if i have less that six months to decide if im going to stay here or not...damn...
i have been considering moving to another location in bloomington, maybe ill just get a six month lease...
oh, and there is one other reason that make me want to stay...C.D.F. he has become a central part of my life and we have also been making plans...and i know he would support anything i wanna do, but i kinda want to sick around and see what happenes with us....im not afraid to leave though...ive gone through plenty of men in my 23 years and ive never had a probelm picking up and moving on..but this is not just any man this man has become one of my best friends...of course my ex was also a close friend to me, i thought he was my soulmate, and i packed up and moved to tennessee...but its all about pursuing my dreams...and this is the time in my life that i can get away with being selfish....ive never let anything get in my way before...even love...i just dont know...
i have a lot of decisions to make and a very short time...i wish i could stay where i am but ive never been good at staying still and i cant stay at this newspaper...ive learned that reporting isnt my passion and i cannot stand worrying about bills..cause they really cant afford to pay me....
my girl A.C.T. and i have always been on an adventure to find our passions and to keep fighting through everything we have to until we find them and we plan on nurturing them and not letting them go once they are in front of us....i found my passion a long time ago..took a while to realize thats what it was...my passions are reading and writing...without those two things i am nothing....now how do i take those passions and make them work for me....i think im halfway there....just a little more stretching and growing...and a few more decisions to make....