Friends...and the Benefits?

sooooo.....
me and dude had the "lets just be friends" convo last night...it went very well...turns out i wasnt the only one frustrated with our "situation"....

we met at the end of june last year and from then until oh maybe the beginning of september i was pretty much living at his place, i came to my place to take naps and grab xtra clothes...

((we had SO much drama when we first got together his ex girl didnt want him with anyone but her, his boy was upset cause he liked me (i mean he wanted to cut) and me and dude ended up getting together...i mean having an "understanding"..we were going to be "friends"...))

anyway we decided to back it up and chill cause we were moving pretty fast...so i gave him a key to my place and while we stayed seeing each other a lot we just kept the sleepovers for the weekend...

and then after a while of that there really werent anymore sleepovers...

soon we were spending maybe one or two days a week with each other...we werent going out...he just kinda came over i would cook dinner, we would watch tv, he might take a nap while i read, we would get around to having sex, take showers (SEPERATELY) and then he would leave and i would get ready for bed, he would call to say he made it home...

then even that much stopped he would call say he was on his way over we would have sex, shower he would leave and i MIGHT hear from him the next day...or i would call or even just text, let him know he needed to come through...

and then...i had someone spend the weekend with me/....but instead of him coming out and telling me how we felt about it he just stopped coming around, and barely called, and i was cool with that too...aint that a shame...we were avoiding each other...

and i knew our "situation" had been getting progressively worse and turning into something i def didnt want but i also knew i didnt want more from it....sounds crazy?....

but like i told him last night...i enjoy spending time with him, when we did spend time, and i thought that we had a solid friendship because we do..we have leaned on each other and been the main people in each others lives for almost a year so we have some semblance of a friendship...although i think it kinda got lost in the shuffle...but its still there, somewhere...we genuinely like each other...but not in a relationship kinda way...and we were trying to make it a pseudo relationship when it wasnt possible....

we could have easily made a commitmnt to each other a long time ago...but we didnt because deep down we both knew we didnt want to but we just didnt ell each other...we both had other priorities and we wernt at the top of each others list...

im glad we talked though...i told him i wasnt happy with our situation and he told me he was holding resentment towards me for having a guy spend the weekend at my apartment...even though i told him it was platonic (probably the only time i ever lied to him - thats how i knew it was over)...

he said his feeling were hurt...he explained it that u dont really know how much u want to be in someonbody's (mine) bed until someone else is in it...he also said he was mad but felt he didnt have the right to be mad because we were not together and in essesnce i dont owe him anything...a classic battle between the heart and the head...

i told him i understand that but he should be able to talk to me...because more than likely i had gone through the same feelings...treating him like my man, expecting him to act like my man when in reality he WASNT my man....

see how that "agreements" and "understandings" can get twisted?...

i told myself after the second time i got into a "friends" situation (see blog entry :"the conversation" that i would never do it again....and yet this is proably situation number three or four....but this one ended up good...we came to an understanding that we need to be friends and work on our friendship and all that other stuff has to be let go of..all the expectations, the intamcy and the other shyt that left us not being able to communicate...

now i gotta call him and get my key back....